This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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