Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
