Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
