He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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