Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
