your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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