is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
God I need to hump something, right now.
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