It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize