you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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