I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she peed on how many people?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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