I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
