i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
