Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
