new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
