Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
