i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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