fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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