But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
