The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
