Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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