there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
