4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You can't just leave with hair like that
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
