so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize