Plan B is the new Plan A
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
