He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
