The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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