I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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