Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
