I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
