I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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