I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
