ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize