im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
