I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
