This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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