tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
