my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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