Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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