he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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