Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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