If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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