my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
