Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize