Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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