Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
