I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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