my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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