Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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