Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
