the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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