i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
