So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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