What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Thank you for not boning my boss.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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