i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
