What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
