i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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