I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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