Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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