How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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