I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
