It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
